The big 5 approaches

My little girl is nearly the big 5. Isabella has only 2wks left of being a four (and a half as she says). This is okay. I look at her though and wonder where the baby has gone. I wonder at what a small glimpse in time it was that she was a toddler and how the two yrs she has been a big kindy girl have flown past. I was so nervous for her as she started kindy. I fretted that she would be lonely, or that she might have trouble making friends. I wondered how she would feel if and when other little people left her out of their games. I hoped she would be kind to the other kids and develop empathy. I am realising this is what mummys do. They sweat the big stuff and the small stuff. In truth she has been just fine. She is showing obvious leadership traits and is smart, independent and sweet. She is funny and loves to dance, sing and be creative. She is as tall as a 7yr old so I often feel I am reminding or telling people to cut her some slack when they judge her behaviour.

And now I am facing letting her go (a little more). I know its only school and we all have been there. I can't help but be a little terrified though. I want her innocence to remain intact for as long as possible and i know that for 6hrs 5 days a week I won't be there to protect her. Its the mama lion in me growling...

I was being silly with her yesterday and asked her if instead of turning 5 on her birthday she could just go back to being 3 so she could stay at home with me forever. Her reply was sweet and reflected what I have been repeating to her often in the past year. She said to me. "Don't worry mummy, I'll be 5 but i'll still be your baby".

Oh my sweet girl, how I love you so

letters on the mirror

I just had my shower - a part of my nightly bed routine. When i pulled away the shower curtain, looking back at me was the letter A and a few others carefully scrawled in childs handwriting on the bottom of our bathroom mirror... and I smiled...

Pre-children I was NEVER a neat freak. Cleaning is not my thing. I like things looking nice and being clean, I just never spent ages keeping things that way. I would generally spend the week living in our home doing the basics and the house would become more and more dis-organised and cluttered and then eventually I would go crazy and spend a day cleaning up again. This was my general pattern, even from when I was a kid (just ask my parents!).

Now that we have three small children, that pattern just doesn't work anymore - or at least it does in that it takes about half a day (sometimes less) for our home to look like a small tornado (or three) has been through. I therefore find myself constantly picking up and tidying these days. My kids sometimes bear the brunt of their mothers frustration at feeling like I am a continual house cleaner. I would really like to be able to just let it go as the "experts" advise us to, but the thing is that I know I feel better in myself when my home is tidy. Maybe part of the problem, is I am now contributing only a fifth (or less) of the mess, but feel like I am responsible for cleaning it all.

So back to those letters on the mirror - this morning while I was in the bathroom putting away some toys, Isabella (now 4) comes in and asks me to "watch this mummy". She then procedes to lick her finger and then use it to begin carefully forming the lettter "A" on the mirror. My first instinct was to snap and tell her to stop dirtying the mirror - but I bit my tongue this time. She turned around and smiled at me and said " look mummy, an A". We spent the next couple of minutes with her drawing more letters on the mirror with her finger... It was great!

So when I got out of the shower tonight and saw those letters - I smiled. Because my baby is growing up and becoming so clever, because it reminded me how much I love her and because it reminded me of the moment I might I missed this morning if I hadn't bit my tongue and overcome the urge of my currently dominant "neat-freak" attitude. And I am not going to wash away those letters - yet...

update...

My Isabella is officially fully toilet trained - I am so excited! I won't go into details for sake of her privacy. She is a very private, sensitive little thing who insists on locking the door and being by herself on each visit to the royal room. Let me just say I am thrilled to now have only one daughter needing nappy attention during the day (at least for the next 7-9 weeks!)

She is changing so rapidly and this has been even more evident since she started kindy. Everything is replied to with a "why mummy?" Incredibly inquisitve and follows up with some very intelligent comments and questions...

My Hannah is such a darling, and comes out with hilarious comments and facials. One of the ones that make me laugh the most are when I put her ear drops in or wipe her butt (at nappy time) with a cold cloth... she puts on this funny face, shivers and says "dats weally told mama" (translation - that's really cold mama). The other one is after she fills her nappy, she comes up to either me or Reuben and says... "I done poooooos".

I wanted to pop in this pic of Reuben and the girls, cause its cute and they have so much fun together...












This one here is when we had a sleep out in the lounge a couple of weeks back. We toasted marshmellows in the fireplace and then put the girls to bed on mattresses on the floor in sleeping bags. Sadly they actually didn't last the night out there and we had to transfer them both back to bed at about 10pm. Kind of cool having a wee family night though...

The other exciting thing for me recently was being at my close friend Kristens birth - at least at her daughter Raegans birth. It was quick and intense and drug free. There is something amazing about seeing a new life being born, you can never really get over the mystery of it I don't think. It all brought it a bit closer to home for me though. In 7-9wks that's me! Thinking positive thoughts right now cause I know I can do it - again!

thats all for now - seeing Rhondda tomorrow (midwife) so maybe an update will follow...

27 weeks + 4

well, almost into the third trimester now. I know that these last 3 mths are going to fly by and there is still much to be done! Coco's room still has the girls toys in it (it has been their playroom since easter when they moved in together).

We have a couple of names picked for a boy, but at this stage absolutely nothing for a girl. I still swing to what sex I think the baby is. Some of my friends checked out the scan last week - but still, who knows! Kristen thinks I should of just found out, maybe I should of... the way my belly feels like its exploding, I still wonder occasionally if there's not two in there and the scanner just missed it! Isabella takes delight in looking at and touching my "fat tummy". I try to explain thats not quite the way to describe a ladies belly, I'm just hoping she doesn't go up to some other woman and tell her she has a "fat tummy"... Hannah knows exactly where Coco is when we ask her. She runs over, pulls up my top and either gives my tummy a kiss or points to it. We bought this cute book the other day called "Theres a house in my mummy". The girls love it and I think it has helped them understand a little better what is going on.

Better go, as Hannah is currently pulling off her pyjamas and I'm sure it won't be long till the nappy comes off also

x

Isabella's 3rd birthday and the week that was

I have to say that last week was particulaly hideous. Sunday morning (22 April) Isabella starts vomiting - and continues to do so for the rest of the day. I conceed that it is best for me and the girls not to go to church but send Reuben off at about 1pm as there are guest artists coming to play and he really needs to be there. Lots of fun cleaning up the continual spews with 18mth old Hannah "helping" me as much as she can. Monday sees Isabella wiped out and unable to attend her official first day of kindy

Needless to say Monday night cue Hannah starts vomiting about 8pm... and continues to do so for the rest of the night, finishing off at about 5am Tuesday. Sadly for her mother, Hannah seems to require no down time to recover and is as full of beans as ever. Her mother however feels like death.

Wednesday and Thursday I feel particularly bad, but thankfully no vomiting. Sadly all of Wednesdays outings are canned (being ANZAC day - a public holiday in NZ) and we continue to try and recover while Reuben does accounts all day at the computer

Friday night, joy, joy, Reuben starts vomiting and does so for rest of the night. He is then in sick/recovery mode for the following two days (at least). Saturday sees me freaking out about getting prepared for Isabella's party the next day while attending a wedding for most of the day. I prayed hard that day for lots of patience and compassion for my dealings with both my babies and husband... God really supplied my need that day with two friends being true angels.

Kristen did all my grocery shopping for the party prior to getting herself ready for the wedding (And then another quick shop on sunday morning). Truly, there would've been no food yesterday without her help. Then saturday night as I faced cleaning my home and icing the birthday cake it all went to custard again. Feeling utterly exhausted, the decorating sets pretty much disintergrated. A phone call to my neighbour Tiffany provided me with angel number 2. She came over, cake decorating set in hand, showed me how to put it all together and then set to attacking the piles of dishes in the sink. I did lament to God prior to her arrival how I wished for a dishwasher - and oh how he provided for me that night!

And I don't think the cake turned out that bad afterall!

Mum and dad, I hope you like these pics - Isabella and the rest of the whanau missed you guys yesterday! Hope you are enjoying Athens...

Isabellas birthday cake
Dora the Explorer

blowing out the candles

opening one of her birthday presents

talk about a lucky little girl with generous aunties and uncles, grandparents and even gt grandparents! This pic especially for you mum and dad (grandma and grandpop)

Today sees Reuben at home for another recovery day and fun with Isabella enjoying her real birthday day.

Coco now 21 wks - over half way! Lots of movements and I feel quite certain at present that it is another girl. This is a complete swing from 1st trimester when I felt certain it was a boy... I guess we will know in 19wks!

Isabella's 1st day at Kindy

24th April last week, Isabella opened an early birthday present from Mummy and Daddy (her new big girl kindy bag). We packed a change of clothes, a drink and her snack box, then off we set to KINDY!!

She is doing really well and loves going. It is such a great kindy with lovely teachers and a super environment. She's still building confidence though and hopefully soon she will be happy to say goodbye to mama...

and today is officially her 3rd birthday. Photos and a fresh post to follow!

Today I baked scones.

I thought I might make them plain but as I mixed the flour, baking powder and salt I realised I had to add sultanas to the mix.

It was quite appropriate. It is just one of the many things I remember Grandma for, and today is an important day to remember. Today marks one year since we lost her. Things have definitely changed since she hasn't been here. Extended family dynamics being just one.

She was never elderly to me. Never like some other peoples grandparents who seem old and fragile. Her first trip to hospital aside from childbirth was in 2004 for a hip replacement - she wore it out from simply being too active! For goodness sake! she was playing tennis. dancing, going on trips overseas with her friends, doing heaps in the community and with her church pretty much until the cancer took her energy and strength (and that was only a few months before she died). She knew what was going on in all of our lives because she took an active interest. Hannah was born in Oct '05 just before she was properly diagnosed - she couldn't stop apologising that she couldn't be there with me to help with the baby.

I miss her, we miss her.

Isabella 10wks being held by her gt grandma

Hannah 4wks, Isabella 18mths with their gt grandma
taken at Stanmore Bay 8/11/05

Hannah 3 1/2mths
22 Jan 06 at Stanmore Bay

A precious moment for Isabella (21mths) and her gt grandma
22 Jan 06

me and my Grandma at the beach house
22 Jan 2006

and to add to the mix of today being a day of remembering, we saw Coco at our 20wk ultrasound. How beautiful to see your child (kind of) for the first time. We also saw Coco on the screen at his or her actual size. Coco's little body currently would fit into the palm of my hand with her little legs dangling over the edge of my fingers. How I wished to take him out and cuddle him then pop him back inside. Everything looking wonderfully healthy and when asked if we wanted to know the sex of our baby I turned to Reuben... He replied... "no", and that was that.

18wks + 2 days. Sex or not?

Due to have a scan this week or next. Big question is - do we find out what sex we are having?

Morning sickness gone, energy returning. nesting instinct kicking in big time! Monday we moved Hannah into Isabella's room so this is their second night together. Isabella has such a soft little heart and sings to Hannah, or reads her books to stop her crying once we have turned out the light. It's funny to hear them giggling together in their respective beds.

Almost half way and baby will be here - crazy!!

Speaking of Coco...

At this stage your baby begins to form permanent teeth buds, behind the special milk teeth buds that have already formed. Vernix caseosa forms on your baby's skin. Vernix is a white cheesy substance that protects your baby's skin from its aquatic environment. Imagine how your skin would look if you sat in water for nine months! The placenta continues to grow and nourish the baby. Your baby is physically active and can now twist, swim and change positions - if you haven't felt it yet, don't worry - some women don't feel anything for a few weeks yet.

Your baby is starting to become aware of sounds outside the uterus, you may feel the baby startle at loud unexpected noises. Some people also believe that babies respond to soothing music, and their mother's voice while still in the uterus.

Thats from the little treasures web site. Could feel Coco doing flips the other night which was pretty cool. Coco is a bit over 20cm in length now or her "crown-rump" length (head to butt) is 14.2cm. She weighs approx 190gms. Don't you wish you could take her out just to look at her (and then put her back of course!)

yay for Coralee and Alex

My sister and her boyfriend Alex got engaged yesterday. So happy and excited for you both and glad that I get another cool brother! This photo I have shamelessly copied from Alexs' blog - it was taken just after she said "yes!"We told Isabella this morning that Alex and Coralee were going to get married and she replied - "Oh, I wanna get married too" This from the little girl who comes out of the bathroom each night after her bath with her hooded towel on her head with the end of the towel dragging on the floor saying "Look mummy, I got my married dress on". And I don't actually know what she saw to start mimicing being a bride.

Maybe this gives you males a little insight into how early the fairytale of getting married can begin for little girls. She's not even three years old yet!

10 weeks today

well this is my first post in two weeks and the reason why? I am absolutely knackered...

My house is a wreck. The dishes get when Reuben does them which bless his heart he has been doing fairly regularly (oh how i wish we had a dishwasher). We get dressed after selecting clothes from the numerous baskets of clean clothes that have been washed and dried but not yet folded and put away. Toys lay scattered from one end to the other and our blue carpet which is absolutely terrible for showing up crumbs and debris is in desperate need for a vaccum. The dining table is covered with mail and other "stuff" including Reubens PC. This is because his office is currently filled with bunk beds and mattresses for the girls (in preparation for our expanding family) and a whole lot of books/games which I have to put on Trade Me - when I get around to it... And then there is the other stuff that should be getting my attention (sigh)...

This pregnancy feels different to the girls. The differences? My sense of smell is heightened this time, the exhaustion is greater (maybe because of the girls?), no constipation this time (you all wanted to know that didn't you), nausea again but this time without vomiting (touch wood), no sweet cravings, in fact overall no junk food cravings - aside from sausage rolls last week. My favourite food at the moment is nectarines - they go down easy and keep the nausea at bay.

And what sex do I think the baby is? From before the pregnancy was confirmed I had a sense that I was carrying a boy. I had an incredibly vivid dream two nights ago where I gave birth in a specific place and met our baby. It was so vivid I can remember details of the labour and everything. The baby had black hair (a little more and a little longer than what the girls had at birth), a face very similar to Isabellas, and a robust chubby little body. After I had taken in all this in my dream I thought to see what sex the baby was - and sure enough, a little boy. It all makes me so much more tempted to find out at the 20wk scan what we are having.

And what is the baby doing at the moment?
Two weeks ago:

• baby is wriggling and dancing already although I can't feel it yet
• most joints are now formed
• Coco can curl his fingers around things - like a nose, an ear or other fingers
• finger prints are already evident
• 2.3cm long, weight 2gms

over the last week (the 10th week)

• the most critical period of growth is complete - now Coco is headed into a period of rapid growth
• Coco's head is about half his length, soon the body will catch up, but for the moment the head is making room for rapid brain development
• Eyelids fuse shut and irises begin to develop
• placenta begins to function this week or next - provides nutrients and removes waste to keep Coco growing strong
• about 3.1cm long and now weighing 4gms - that's double the weight in one week!

this coming week

• nearly all structures and organs will be formed and beginning to function
• Coco's fingers and toes will have separated. Check out this photo of an 11wk old baby's toes...
• hair and nails begin to grow
• genitals begin to take on the proper gender characteristics
  
• amniotic fluid begins to accumulate as the kidneys begin to function
• muscles in the intestinal wall begin to practice contractions that contract food
• by the end of this week Coco will be about 4.1cms long and weigh approx 7gms

Such amazing growth in just two months since conception...

And my final word for today? lock up your medications so little fingers can't get a hold of them. Last sunday we spent 24hrs at Kidzfirst (the childrens section of Middlemore hospital) for observation and a whole raft of tests after Isabella had some "treats" - aka Grandma's medication. A scary experience but thankfully no adverse long term effects. But like I needed something else to drain my energy!

So time to put the kids down for a nap so mum and dad can have one as well! hopefully anyway...

noisy birds...

I got home tonight from pre-season Netball training about 8pm to find Isabella cuddled up with Reuben in the lounge. I was informed by miss two and a half that the "birds are too noisy mama, they need to go to sleep in their nest". Thinking this was the best excuse ever for not going to bed I went into her room and listened quietly... sure enough, there's some noisy birds outside her bedroom.

maybe i should be asking them to be quiet in the morning as well!

decorating the christmas tree...

Hannah cute as can be (13 months)

Isabella (2 1/2) doing a beautiful job hanging the decorations

All done (or should I say Dunn!)

Happy Christmas!

my little rock star!

Showing great microphone technique already with the support of her groupie - "baby"
credit to Melissa for the great pics!

She also is developing some beautiful little manners - at the moment we don't just get "thankyou", we get "thanku vee much", so very cute!

Oh, the responsibilty

I love my two little girls. Becoming pregnant with Isabella (our eldest at 2yrs) was like fulfillment of a dream for me (not the pregnant part, more the starting the family part...). Nothing prepared me for the depth of love I would have for them. I love them sooooo much. In fact it wasn't until they came along that I had any comprehension of how my own parents must consider me.

I want to grow my sweet little girls into self-confident young women. I want them to know how much worth they hold, how beautiful they are and how much their heavenly father loves them also. I want them to have excellent judgement of character, to discern between right and wrong and then to make great choices. I want them to love God and to have compassion for others. the list of dreams I have for them goes on. I am praying for their future husbands already - afterall, they may be little toddlers themselves (we do have arrangements with a certain young mans parents for one of our daughters, but I guess the kids may have to have the last say in that arrangment!).

As Isabella is becoming so much more like a little person (rather than a baby), I have noticed her experiencing new emotions (beyond, frustrastion, happy, sad...). I have noticed facial expressions I would describe as hurt. On the occassion I snap at her, for no valid reason, or am grumpy and projecting it to her, or take her to time out when perhaps I have misunderstood the situation and she was just trying to help. I see her little face crumble and it breaks my heart. I know it can't be expected that any parent will be perfect, but I find the responsibility hefty.

snazzibabes

Go to this website and click on snazzibabes... Check out those two cuties in their green butterflies... snazzipants