Friday, April 26, 2013

when your head just wants to explode

rough afternoon at our house today. I have had two important things to achieve today for sunday. the biggest one being assisting in preparing a tag team presentation for our church community meeting, and the other being selecting songs as I am worship leading sunday night. these things had to be achieved TODAY, as I am working tomorrow, and then sunday has two separate events planned within the day before we even get to church.

now, its not like these two things were dumped on me today. oh no. I've had - lets say  - at least three weeks for both and two of those weeks would NOT have been in the school holidays if I had got myself organised earlier. but if you know me, my best work seems to be achieved under massive time pressure - which in turn makes my head seem like its exploding. [in fact it was the multitude of time pressured deadlines on me which probably was a huge cause of my near burnout last yr, but I digress...]

just to say really that its not fair on my kids for me to try and work for a number of hours under time pressure. they deserve better from me, and certainly didn't deserve me verbally venting my frustration on them when they just needed my attention. I have a long way to go with balancing all I try to do... just glad that I managed a little outing this morning for them on their bikes to our local cafĂ©, and then off to the playground.

maybe it helps to redeem today a little for my kids?

Thursday, April 25, 2013

decreasing the clutter

we have moved. a lot. in our 14yrs of being married we have made 14 separate moves. in fact seven of those moves have happened in 2.5yrs. so I make claim to being somewhat of a moving expert these days. I think I should almost think about hiring myself out as a moving planner! now there's an idea...

as you can imagine, moving isn't exactly what someone chooses to do for fun. and this most recent run of moves has just turned out the way it has. for most of the year we leave in an amazing house which now feels very much like home to us, and for the other 12wks we find a summer house.

our most recent move happened 3wks ago. we moved from this years summer house back to the 'most of the year house'. today I sorted the last of the boxes and my bedroom is now looking great. (why is it my room is always the last?). I look around the house and I am aware we are living with less. much less. over the past 2.5yrs I have de-cluttered. and then de-cluttered. and sorted and thrown away and given away and the feeling is thrilling. don't get me wrong, I know there is still more "stuff" I could remove from the contents of my home. but all this clearing of possessions and stuff in order to make moving easier has such a freeing consequence to it.

I no longer feel bound to hold on to things because "I might need it one day". if I haven't used it and I don't LOVE it, then I have decided that if, by chance, I find I do need it one day, I will simply set about getting it. there is such a beauty in living more open handed, more simply and without all the stuff. not only does the stuff crowd my space, but it also ends up crowding my mind. funny how that works...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Checking in

i'm back again. its been a while. a new friend of mine has just launched her blog beautiful things and it just got me back to thinking about this blog.

I mentioned in my last post I got journaling again (around 2yrs ago now). it has been helpful and cathartic. to the point where I don't do it so often anymore. a lot has been going on and I have been learning a lot in recent months. about me. about my limits. about what burnout might look like. I am really on the road to recovery at this point. it is only retrospectively that I can see my experience from the last six months of 2012 as being as close to what I have experienced of true burnout. I have learnt about stepping back and reassessing - or at least I am learning. for a girl that has always moved at a fairly fast pace and always taken on a lot of responsibility it has been somewhat of a wake up call.

2013 has seen me take on a theme word for the year.

healthy.

that's it. healthy.

healthy body :: healthy emotions :: healthy mind :: healthy spirit :: healthy boundaries :: healthy relationships

I am currently reading a book ''Rushing Woman's Syndrome' by Dr Libby Weaver, quite eye opening to the biochemical responses our body takes on with stress. especially over a sustained period of time. I may download bits of it over time. its certainly a goodie and right on theme for this year.

I am still churning pure mama in my head. its been so long and I have had periods of thinking I will just ditch it - but the pull is still there. I am in a current period of energy for it. so. again will see where that leads me.

for now, this is enough
Xx