Childbirth and fear

It never ceases to amaze me the way people hold such varied views on labour and birth. I was most prompted to write this post after reading a few different comments on Karla's blog. I guess this portays a highly medicalised, american view of the whole thing. I simply say American cause Karla is American (my best friend who is also amercian goes completely against this stereotype I have to say having trialled a homebirth with her first birth - sadly Rhys was posterior and rebelled against coming out the natural way. Her second birth resulted in a drug free natural delivery of a 10lb 2oz baby girl).

The thing that gets me the most is the intense fear that so many women seem to have towards childbirth.

• The fear of pain.
• The fear of "something" going wrong.
• The fear of being out of control
• The fear of the unknown

For an educated society there seems to be a whole lack of education about the whole process I have to say. We believe overall (as a western society) that hospital is the safest place to be to give birth. For a woman who has a normal pregnancy with no indications of potential complications, this simply isn't true. Fear leads to anxiety, leads to tension, leads to a decreased capacity to cope and an increase in pain felt, which then only perpetuates the cycle... There is such a thing called the cascade of intervention. When doctors intervene in what should be a natural process it is no wonder that more and more procedures are required to get a baby delivered.

Take this as an example. A womans labour is medically induced. It means that an IV line needs to be placed in the womans arm. It means that the baby is likely to be closely monitored involving the mother having to lie on a bed - which then means freedom to move and find the bodies most comfortable position for labouring is way limited. The drugs used to induce labour result in contractions stronger and more intense than if natural labour had occured... and this leads to a much increased likelihood of pain relief being used - in particular an epidural, which then comes with its own risks. Afterall having a needle inserted into ones spinal column has its dangers.

As a result of being confined to a bed being monitored, numb or at least partially numb from the waist down from an epidural, unable to use gravity and their own sense of where they are at with their labour, lends this woman to being at the mercy of the the judgements of the medical staff attending her - in my mind, completely disempowered. At this point the chance of having an emergency caesarean is greatly increased - not really suprising is it! And of course caesareans which we seem to view more and more as preferable to pushing, come with the risks that all major surgerys carry - we seem to forget this.

Don't get me wrong.

• childbirth IS painful (at least in my experience)
• sometimes things go wrong

but with support of a caring husband, midwife, and friends and lots of reading/knowledge of the birth process and other peoples positve experiences there doesn't need to be a fear of any of those things I listed at the top of this post. Childbirth is an amazing thing which we as women are privileged to experience (don't remind me of that comment of course when I am in labour!) It's the only painful experience I can recall that results in an amazing reward at the end.

I remain open to accepting medical assistance should that become absolutley necessary, but I look towards my impending labour and delivery and silently affirm my strength and ability as a woman to do what the billions of women before me have done.

I will now step down from my soap box...

p.s. the photo at the top of the post is just after giving birth to Isabella. She is probably minutes old.

update...

My Isabella is officially fully toilet trained - I am so excited! I won't go into details for sake of her privacy. She is a very private, sensitive little thing who insists on locking the door and being by herself on each visit to the royal room. Let me just say I am thrilled to now have only one daughter needing nappy attention during the day (at least for the next 7-9 weeks!)

She is changing so rapidly and this has been even more evident since she started kindy. Everything is replied to with a "why mummy?" Incredibly inquisitve and follows up with some very intelligent comments and questions...

My Hannah is such a darling, and comes out with hilarious comments and facials. One of the ones that make me laugh the most are when I put her ear drops in or wipe her butt (at nappy time) with a cold cloth... she puts on this funny face, shivers and says "dats weally told mama" (translation - that's really cold mama). The other one is after she fills her nappy, she comes up to either me or Reuben and says... "I done poooooos".

I wanted to pop in this pic of Reuben and the girls, cause its cute and they have so much fun together...












This one here is when we had a sleep out in the lounge a couple of weeks back. We toasted marshmellows in the fireplace and then put the girls to bed on mattresses on the floor in sleeping bags. Sadly they actually didn't last the night out there and we had to transfer them both back to bed at about 10pm. Kind of cool having a wee family night though...

The other exciting thing for me recently was being at my close friend Kristens birth - at least at her daughter Raegans birth. It was quick and intense and drug free. There is something amazing about seeing a new life being born, you can never really get over the mystery of it I don't think. It all brought it a bit closer to home for me though. In 7-9wks that's me! Thinking positive thoughts right now cause I know I can do it - again!

thats all for now - seeing Rhondda tomorrow (midwife) so maybe an update will follow...

Two months to go... and the increase of capacity

...and a month of no space to blog. It has been a hard month into my third trimester. Being pregnant third time round is a definite step up to the first pregnancy. Which brings me to a point of thought I have again pondered on occasion over the past 4 wks.

If I were to graciously allow a friend without children to care for my kids for... lets say for a full day, wake up to bedtime... I'm sure that by the end of it that friend would graciously hand them back and thank me for providing them with the best form of contraception available. Now I think my kids are actually pretty good generally. The fact is though that full time care of a3yr old and 21mth old (although immensely rewarding) is particularly draining at times. Add to that being pregnant and you pretty much have a recipe for exhaustion.

This is where the concept of increasing capacity comes into play. If you take the example of building aerobic capacity. An untrained person can build their ability to run further and faster by training. Starting off they may last only 5 minutes in a run, but by training regularly every week, over a period of months, it is possible to build the aerobic capacity to run a marathon.

When I relate this concept of building capacity to motherhood I see how my capacity has grown significantly already. I remember back to when Isabella was born. Everything was new, the sleep deprivation overwhelming, her first week of life the longest I have ever experienced! And shortly there will be three. When push comes to shove, I am far from the perfect mummy. I yell at my kids sometimes and have had to apologise to them on many occasions. I have much to learn and its a pity you don't get to practice parenting before the real thing. But I know that my capacity for doing the (IMHO) most important job in the world is growing and will continue to do so. When I begin to feel overwhelmed at the prospect of what will be in a short 9wks, I can remember that with God's help my capacity will increase once again. I am already gleaning training tips from friends who are walking this path with me and hopefully I can pass on to others what I learn as well.

So unpack it further if you like, Capacity and its ability to grow...

On a completely different tack, I am thinking at this point in time that Coco is a boy, and we have a first name picked and ready to roll. I guess time will tell...

x

27 weeks + 4

well, almost into the third trimester now. I know that these last 3 mths are going to fly by and there is still much to be done! Coco's room still has the girls toys in it (it has been their playroom since easter when they moved in together).

We have a couple of names picked for a boy, but at this stage absolutely nothing for a girl. I still swing to what sex I think the baby is. Some of my friends checked out the scan last week - but still, who knows! Kristen thinks I should of just found out, maybe I should of... the way my belly feels like its exploding, I still wonder occasionally if there's not two in there and the scanner just missed it! Isabella takes delight in looking at and touching my "fat tummy". I try to explain thats not quite the way to describe a ladies belly, I'm just hoping she doesn't go up to some other woman and tell her she has a "fat tummy"... Hannah knows exactly where Coco is when we ask her. She runs over, pulls up my top and either gives my tummy a kiss or points to it. We bought this cute book the other day called "Theres a house in my mummy". The girls love it and I think it has helped them understand a little better what is going on.

Better go, as Hannah is currently pulling off her pyjamas and I'm sure it won't be long till the nappy comes off also

x

update... 24wks + 5 days

Well, I haven't managed to get to blogging for a couple of weeks now it seems. One thing or another seems to have stopped me. I had been feeling great. This big burst of energy that was allowing me to function again almost like normal! However, the tiredness began to increase again about two-three weeks ago. Coincedentally I also felt like my belly had suddenly undergone some rapid expansion.

I saw Rhondda (our midwife) yesterday. My last visit was 5wks ago. Up until that visit I was measuring bang on for my weeks. Yesterday she measured my belly and announced that I was measuring 28wks. So if Coco has had a big growth spurt I guess that accounts for the tiredness and my HUGE appeptite at the moment!

Week Twenty-Five

• The structures of the spine begin to form -- joints, ligaments and rings. These will protect the all important spinal cord which serves as the information transmitter for your child's body.
• Blood vessels of the lungs develop.
• Your baby's nostrils begin to open. There is a study out of Belfast that suggests babies at this stage have the capability of scent preferences!
• The nerves around the mouth and lip area are showing more sensitivity now. When baby is rooting for food later on, these will be valuable!
• His swallowing reflexes are developing.
• Dexterity is improving. Your baby can make a fist and would clasp objects placed in palm.
• Your child has now obtained an approximate length of 13.6 inches (34.6cm) and weighs 1.46 pound (660gm).

Reuben is out doing a consulting job tonight after work - hopefully he will be home soon and can read our sweethearts their bedtime story. Hopefully for mama he will be bringing home some burger fuel (care of the business! yay). I could really go a chignition pear burger, kumara fries and chocolate malt right now!

new name

I am aware that in a short 18wks my blogs name will be invalid. I will no longer be a mama to 2, but a mama to 3. "mama to 3 (and counting)" just seems a bit silly and then I might have to change it again.

So anyone got any bright ideas for a blog rename???

Two sweet girls at Matauri Bay Jan 07

Isabella's 3rd birthday and the week that was

I have to say that last week was particulaly hideous. Sunday morning (22 April) Isabella starts vomiting - and continues to do so for the rest of the day. I conceed that it is best for me and the girls not to go to church but send Reuben off at about 1pm as there are guest artists coming to play and he really needs to be there. Lots of fun cleaning up the continual spews with 18mth old Hannah "helping" me as much as she can. Monday sees Isabella wiped out and unable to attend her official first day of kindy

Needless to say Monday night cue Hannah starts vomiting about 8pm... and continues to do so for the rest of the night, finishing off at about 5am Tuesday. Sadly for her mother, Hannah seems to require no down time to recover and is as full of beans as ever. Her mother however feels like death.

Wednesday and Thursday I feel particularly bad, but thankfully no vomiting. Sadly all of Wednesdays outings are canned (being ANZAC day - a public holiday in NZ) and we continue to try and recover while Reuben does accounts all day at the computer

Friday night, joy, joy, Reuben starts vomiting and does so for rest of the night. He is then in sick/recovery mode for the following two days (at least). Saturday sees me freaking out about getting prepared for Isabella's party the next day while attending a wedding for most of the day. I prayed hard that day for lots of patience and compassion for my dealings with both my babies and husband... God really supplied my need that day with two friends being true angels.

Kristen did all my grocery shopping for the party prior to getting herself ready for the wedding (And then another quick shop on sunday morning). Truly, there would've been no food yesterday without her help. Then saturday night as I faced cleaning my home and icing the birthday cake it all went to custard again. Feeling utterly exhausted, the decorating sets pretty much disintergrated. A phone call to my neighbour Tiffany provided me with angel number 2. She came over, cake decorating set in hand, showed me how to put it all together and then set to attacking the piles of dishes in the sink. I did lament to God prior to her arrival how I wished for a dishwasher - and oh how he provided for me that night!

And I don't think the cake turned out that bad afterall!

Mum and dad, I hope you like these pics - Isabella and the rest of the whanau missed you guys yesterday! Hope you are enjoying Athens...

Isabellas birthday cake
Dora the Explorer

blowing out the candles

opening one of her birthday presents

talk about a lucky little girl with generous aunties and uncles, grandparents and even gt grandparents! This pic especially for you mum and dad (grandma and grandpop)

Today sees Reuben at home for another recovery day and fun with Isabella enjoying her real birthday day.

Coco now 21 wks - over half way! Lots of movements and I feel quite certain at present that it is another girl. This is a complete swing from 1st trimester when I felt certain it was a boy... I guess we will know in 19wks!

Isabella's 1st day at Kindy

24th April last week, Isabella opened an early birthday present from Mummy and Daddy (her new big girl kindy bag). We packed a change of clothes, a drink and her snack box, then off we set to KINDY!!

She is doing really well and loves going. It is such a great kindy with lovely teachers and a super environment. She's still building confidence though and hopefully soon she will be happy to say goodbye to mama...

and today is officially her 3rd birthday. Photos and a fresh post to follow!

Today I baked scones.

I thought I might make them plain but as I mixed the flour, baking powder and salt I realised I had to add sultanas to the mix.

It was quite appropriate. It is just one of the many things I remember Grandma for, and today is an important day to remember. Today marks one year since we lost her. Things have definitely changed since she hasn't been here. Extended family dynamics being just one.

She was never elderly to me. Never like some other peoples grandparents who seem old and fragile. Her first trip to hospital aside from childbirth was in 2004 for a hip replacement - she wore it out from simply being too active! For goodness sake! she was playing tennis. dancing, going on trips overseas with her friends, doing heaps in the community and with her church pretty much until the cancer took her energy and strength (and that was only a few months before she died). She knew what was going on in all of our lives because she took an active interest. Hannah was born in Oct '05 just before she was properly diagnosed - she couldn't stop apologising that she couldn't be there with me to help with the baby.

I miss her, we miss her.

Isabella 10wks being held by her gt grandma

Hannah 4wks, Isabella 18mths with their gt grandma
taken at Stanmore Bay 8/11/05

Hannah 3 1/2mths
22 Jan 06 at Stanmore Bay

A precious moment for Isabella (21mths) and her gt grandma
22 Jan 06

me and my Grandma at the beach house
22 Jan 2006

and to add to the mix of today being a day of remembering, we saw Coco at our 20wk ultrasound. How beautiful to see your child (kind of) for the first time. We also saw Coco on the screen at his or her actual size. Coco's little body currently would fit into the palm of my hand with her little legs dangling over the edge of my fingers. How I wished to take him out and cuddle him then pop him back inside. Everything looking wonderfully healthy and when asked if we wanted to know the sex of our baby I turned to Reuben... He replied... "no", and that was that.

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

19 wks + 2

Coco is 25cms from head to toes, and is filling up all the space from my pelvis to my belly button. Right on track. Little heart beating just fine and we will see you on the big screen in 3 sleeps!!

x

18wks + 2 days. Sex or not?

Due to have a scan this week or next. Big question is - do we find out what sex we are having?

Morning sickness gone, energy returning. nesting instinct kicking in big time! Monday we moved Hannah into Isabella's room so this is their second night together. Isabella has such a soft little heart and sings to Hannah, or reads her books to stop her crying once we have turned out the light. It's funny to hear them giggling together in their respective beds.

Almost half way and baby will be here - crazy!!

Speaking of Coco...

At this stage your baby begins to form permanent teeth buds, behind the special milk teeth buds that have already formed. Vernix caseosa forms on your baby's skin. Vernix is a white cheesy substance that protects your baby's skin from its aquatic environment. Imagine how your skin would look if you sat in water for nine months! The placenta continues to grow and nourish the baby. Your baby is physically active and can now twist, swim and change positions - if you haven't felt it yet, don't worry - some women don't feel anything for a few weeks yet.

Your baby is starting to become aware of sounds outside the uterus, you may feel the baby startle at loud unexpected noises. Some people also believe that babies respond to soothing music, and their mother's voice while still in the uterus.

Thats from the little treasures web site. Could feel Coco doing flips the other night which was pretty cool. Coco is a bit over 20cm in length now or her "crown-rump" length (head to butt) is 14.2cm. She weighs approx 190gms. Don't you wish you could take her out just to look at her (and then put her back of course!)

Children... The enemy?

I read an article the other day which had some interesting thoughts. I thought I'd share... what do you think

...In the beginning of the womens movement many battles were fought and won worldwide as women pursued the right to vote as equal citizens. After women claimed the victory to vote, the womens movement turned to fight for other causes. Until the mid twentieth century women were expected by society to work primarily in the home...

...the real devastating war began when women realised they would never be able to attain equality with men until they were granted reproductive freedom. Birth control became popular and finally women were able to have some control over reproduction... the sexual revolution ensued... children became the enemy in the fight for womens rights...

...Feminists proclaimed that its the children who ultimately keep women from experiencing true independence. To become a mother is to become a slave, forfeiting ones work, education, career, wealth and recognition for the sake of raising children... children, likened to parasites, as they leach the life out of women and prevent women from embracing any dream that lies beyond the front door. All along it was motherhood that kept women from experiencing true equality...

...Unborn children were the easiest enemies to eliminate, and every legal abortion became a victory in the march for womens rights... every empty home and empty womb became a tribute to feminism... But it is her own unborn child who sheds his blood for the freedom of the mother that he will never know. Is it not wretched that children die so women may advance in freedom? And women continue to fight to keep abortion on demand legal... Is this war truly worthy of the innocent blood of unborn children? How have women come to see their own babies as evil tyrants deserving of death?

Sarah Brown
published in "Above Rubies" issue seventy

16 wks + 6 days - my first spews!

As the many pregnancy web sites and books state, I am now in my second trimester - the honey moon period. I must say I had been feeling a little less exhausted and the nausea had gone. I was stunned to have not vomited once this time - how blessed I felt!

And then this morning (perhaps Coco wanted to just reassure me he is still growing strong?) after breakfast off I trot to the toilet for vomit #1. Following I clean myself up and have a couple of pieces of toast. Still not feeling 100% I hop onto the couch and build block towers with my girls. I also stop to call Reuben and celebrate my first spew (strange as it was) of this pregnancy. Not much longer and I'm off to the toilet again (after distracting the girls with a DVD) for spew #2. Feeling quite poorly and sad for myself now I call Reuben again and he says he is able to come home... picture Vania looking much relieved. Off I hop to bed for the afternoon for a period of much desired rest.

I am fairly sure it was just the dreaded morning sickness - but how strange!

Other point of note...

My days of tummy sleeping are counting down. I can feel that little firm bulge pushing out and its starting to become uncomfortable. This is quite a tragedy for me as I am a real tummy sleeper (with head to the right). The time is fast approaching when once again our bed will become reuben, vania and an accumulation of pillows (poor reuben!). Once I hit this stage I long for the day the baby is out and I can revert to happy sleep once again!... sigh

please pray for Willow's family

Reuben went to work on Monday morning to hear news that the grand daughter of his big boss was killed on Sunday.

Willow turned three in December. On Sunday, Willow, went to visit her grandparents house along with her 7-yr and baby siblings. Her dad got out of the car to check if they were home which they weren't. Without his knowledge, Willow got out of the car and walked around behind it. He then got back in the car and without realising she wasn't there reversed the car, running her over.

Willow died at the scene.

please pray for her dad who not only has lost his baby girl, but will forever live with the knowledge of what happened 2 days ago.

please pray for her mum and the indescribable pain she must be experiencing.

please pray for their marriage...

please pray for her siblings, especially Willow's 7-yr old sister who has told her parents it is her fault beacuse she didn't tell daddy that Willow had gotten out of the car.

please pray for Willow as (I believe) she is in the arms of the Father as I write this.

I never met Willow, or her parents, or any of her family, but I continue to cry for her yesterday and today.

And so I just ask you to pray.

off to se Rhonda (take two)

I had a sneaky feeling that Tuesdays appointment would be changed and I got a text from Rhonda at 9.30am Tuesday to swap the appt to today. So off we will all toddle this afternoon for our 2.30 appt.

And tonight we are (Reuben and I that is) going out on a date. We are doing babysitting swaps with nearby friends so that both couples can get some time out. Have no idea where we will go at this stage, and I just hope our kidssettle to bed well tonight!

talk soon with baby update

off to se Rhonda (15wks + 2)

Rhonda is our wonderful midwife amd today we are off to see her for our second antenatal visit (that is if she isn't at another birth or so other emergency). Felt one good firm kick this morning. I can really feel the shape of Coco's body at times - especially when I have been lying on my side and then roll back to my back - His/her body is jsut right there on one side of my tummy. Never had the experience of feeling the body this early with Isabella and Hannah. I told Rhonda I had a dream it was twins and she laughed and told me she thought I was a little too well for twins! I am much bigger this time apparently because it is baby 3. Oh, and I had a big burst of energy yesterday - so much so that I got all the washing folded and away (there was a lot!), dishes done, vaccumed, and picked up all the clothes, toys etc littering the floor, while watching/playing with two small girls. Needless to say I was kind of wasted by the time Reuben got home. Lucky for me he is such a good cook!

Anyhow, I may update tonight after we are back from our visit.

yay for Coralee and Alex

My sister and her boyfriend Alex got engaged yesterday. So happy and excited for you both and glad that I get another cool brother! This photo I have shamelessly copied from Alexs' blog - it was taken just after she said "yes!"We told Isabella this morning that Alex and Coralee were going to get married and she replied - "Oh, I wanna get married too" This from the little girl who comes out of the bathroom each night after her bath with her hooded towel on her head with the end of the towel dragging on the floor saying "Look mummy, I got my married dress on". And I don't actually know what she saw to start mimicing being a bride.

Maybe this gives you males a little insight into how early the fairytale of getting married can begin for little girls. She's not even three years old yet!

14 wks + 2 days

Your baby is forming fine downy hair all over its body known as lanugo. Eyebrows and eye lashes are also beginning to grow. The baby is now approximately 16 cm long.

Hopefully by now, you are enjoying the 'honeymoon period' of pregnancy. The last traces of nausea have hopefully gone and your pre-pregnancy energy levels should have returned.

Well, I'm still waiting for the "honeymoon period" and it hit me yesterday, 6 more weeks and I'm half way through this pregnancy!